everything is changing. its been hitting me over the past few days how different we all are and how much of a crazy road life has in store. im not nearly as close with people i was close with a month ago. i leave in a little over 30 days. and its freaky to think im leaving everything behind. i mean literally everything. to come home when? i don't even know. everyone tells me something different about when ill be able to come home and visit. and what if i lose touch with everyone?

this summer has made me realize how much i love my life here and the people in it. nothings gonna be the same in the next 6 months.

And tonight I walk through an empty street,
With my shadow stretching in front of me,
When my lonely thoughts meet my lonely feet,
And the cold reminds me that I've chosen this life

there ain't no memory that ever gets old

im having the worst anxiety and no idea why. i can't sleep at all its creepy and im so unproductive when its this late.....

i dun want to leave :'( it makes me sad now

recently about a million doubts have creeped in and made me worry

what if something happens and those i love dearly now need me? but ill be in stupid basic training with no way for them to reach me!!

what if i need them and they are too busy for me? and i know this is inevitable but it makes me soooo sad.

aaron said about a week ago, your going to come home to visit and we will have gotten along without u, and u will have gotten along without us, because that is how life goes. and itll be okea..

is it horrible i don't want it to be okea?

i feel obligated to update this because of two reasons
a)ashley and aaron updated, and i love them both, and im a conformist
b)ive realized after talking to about ten people in the past few days that have thought i was angry with them, that i don't commence the amazing people around me as much as I should so this is my chance to slightly redeem myself.
c)im wide awake because of drinking coffee two hours ago, i really need to stop doing because it is unhealthy and i have a meet tomorrow so it probably won't

so to those who are amazing
Aaron~you deserve this more than anyone I think. I never seem to have a sufficient amount of time to talk with you like I normally do. I seriously admire you sooo much i can't even put it into words. Youve been there for me so much, and keep me on my toes when im not doing what I'm supposed to.
Ashley~since she is the only other one that reads this i have to address my amazing soulmate. the flowers were amazing today and made me realli happy. your the only person who could call me a whore and my reaction would be to die laughing.
since no one else reads this ill move on. Ive made some realizations the past few days
~It for some reason bugs me when i think I can be predicted. Not that im an unpredictable wild person or ne thing...its jus iunno wierd.
~I'm not letting track take over my life any more, theres so much more to life than living and breathing running.
~I really do like the whole idea of waiting until your ready to marry to start dating. Mostly because in that area ive always felt like I was doing something wrong, like the typical teenage reltionship was never in the cards for me with anyone. Ive been thinking maybe its been Gods plan all along for me to not have the typical high school experience? whether it be with romance, friends, or with graduation. or maybe im just way overthinking everything.